Connor
by burkle
Summary: Connor wonders about Angel's visit to see him in "Not Fade Away" as he goes to L.A. to help out his father.


_A/N -_ Connor has always been, to me, one of (if not) the most fascinating characters on the show. And lately I've just been in a Connor kind of mood. And so this fic was born. It's pretty straight forward, just Connor's thoughts after his father pays him a visit. Set during "Not Fade Away".  
  
This is my first fic posted here, so please let me know what you think.  
  
As always, props to Betsy, for beta-ing. And to Karla, just because. smooches

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**Connor**  
_by burkle_

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Connor sighed and slammed the book he had been reading closed. Studying was definitely not going to happen, not now when he had too much on his mind. He looked over at the still unfinished application for an internship he had been working on earlier. _Oh, screw it. I can't concentrate anymore_ he said to himself. And he was right. Thoughts were racing around his head so fast he was getting a headache. Why had his father shown up out of the blue like that? Why? He didn't know, but he did know that it couldn't mean anything good. _In fact, it probably meant something very bad_ thought Connor.  
  
Connor knew what he had to do now. He grabbed his keys, got into his car, and took off. He had to get to LA, and soon. His father needed help, and there was no way he was just going to let Angel face whatever horrible thing it was all by himself. Not after all Angel had done for him. He couldn't do that to his father. He used the drive to reflect on recent events, strange events, and to try to piece them all together.  
  
Not too long ago something very strange had happened. A van had hit him, but what was really weird was that he hadn't sustained any injuries from it. He was torn between being very happy he hadn't been killed and being very scared about not being injured. His parents (or well the people he had believed to be his parents, they weren't really though) were completely freaked out. Everybody was. Nobody had any idea how he hadn't been seriously injured. Connor's parents took him to the L.A. office of Wolfram & Hart on a suggestion from one of the cops who had been present at the scene of the accident. They had thought that the law firm would be able to give them some answers. The CEO, a man named Angel (who wasn't really a man but a vampire, and Connor's real father), sent them away. They were all a little disappointed, after all they had come all this way for nothing. Given the law firm's reputation, Connor thought it was weird that Angel hadn't even tried to help them. But the weird was only starting.   
  
Connor and his parents got back into their car when suddenly they were attacked by these things. Demons, Connor knew that now though he didn't at the time. Not entirely sure what he was doing Connor attacked the demons trying to protect his parents. He wasn't sure what had happened, he was only trying to keep the demon from hurting his family. He was amazed to find out how very strong he was. He knocked that demon across the parking lot. Angel had shown up and helped of course. Afterward, Angel offered to take Connor's father back to Wolfram & Hart for treatment, and to talk to Connor.   
  
During their chat, Angel told Connor about a prophecy. Connor was completely shocked to learn that there was a prophecy saying he would kill some demon named Sahjhan. It didn't make any sense to him at all. Why him? What had he ever done? Until the demon attack he didn't even really know he could fight. Why on earth would anybody have thought he could possibly kill a powerful demon? Did they have the right person? Could it really be him, Connor? He was definitely on the small side, and he hadn't really ever shown any great athletic ability or anything. Angel helped prepare him a little bit, but all too soon Connor found himself facing off against Sahjhan. Angel had seemed very nervous and kept giving him all this advise. Not knowing Angel was his father at the time, Connor was confused about that. Very confused. But there wasn't time to worry about that.  
  
Sahjahn had turned out to be a very tough opponent. The fight wasn't going very well for Connor at all. _I was getting my ass kicked_ Connor thought to himself as he drove, chuckling a little. But then, all too suddenly, everything changed. 

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It hit Connor suddenly. Suddenly he knew his whole life had been nothing but one big sham. He wasn't sure what had happened at the time, all that he knew was that in a brief moment all these horrific memories came flooding back to him. His whole life was nothing like he had believed.   
  
He hadn't really been raised in a happy, normal family. His parents were actually two vampires. His mother Darla had died, and so it was only his father left to care for him. Since vampire can't have children, let alone a human child, his birth was highly unusual. Nobody knew what had happened. Tons of people (Wolfram & Hart, Holtz [a man whose family had been murdered by Angel when Angel was still evil and had been brought back Sahjahn to get revenge on Angel], evil vampire cults, etc.) wanted to get their hands on him for various purposes. But Angel had somehow managed to protect Connor. Though not from Wesley.   
  
Wesley, who had worked at Angel Investigations with his father, betrayed Angel by kidnapping Connor thinking Angel would kill his son. Wesley was then attacked by Justine (who was helping Holtz). There was this big showdown that ended with Holtz grabbing Connor and jumping into a portal to Quor-toth (well, it wasn't exactly a portal. There were no portal into or out of that horrible dimension, as Connor knew too well). So Connor spent the next eighteen years there, believing Holtz was his father, and that Angel was nothing more than a terrible monster.   
  
His time in Quor-toth was awful. It was a continual struggle for life. Connor remembered having to fight for his life all the time from ... well from his earliest memories. But somehow he made it. And then one day something wonderful happened. Something he had been waiting for all his life.   
  
He found his way into this dimension. Even now he still wasn't entirely sure how he had managed it. But he had. Suddenly he was in a completely different world. Everything was new and different, and scary as hell, here at first. He wasn't used to how things worked here at all. Things in Quor-toth had been so different, Connor thought it would take him a hundred years before he could ever begin to understand this place.  
  
His early days passed quickly, and they were very terrible to remember. Connor ended up locking his father in a box and dumping him in the ocean, where Angel stayed locked up tight for months. _But it hadn't really been all my fault_ Connor told himself. Holtz had manipulated him one last time, using his death to trick Connor into believing Angel had killed Holtz.   
  
It wasn't easy at all, and he and his father were never the best friends, but Connor spent most of the next year helping to fight against demons and other evil things with the gang of Angel Investigations. It was very difficult to adjust to his father. He had been brought up by Holtz believing Angel to be a monstrous killer. But that wasn't the case anymore. Angel was good now, and he helped the helpless. Connor wasn't sure whether he ever really did believe his father wasn't the murderer Holtz had told him all about. But he also was very sure that Holtz was wrong too. Angel helped people now, he couldn't be **that** bad. Everything was just so confusing. Connor didn't have any idea who he should believe, or if he should even believe anybody. He was very lost.   
  
But there was somebody he ended up trusting, Cordelia. She wasn't like the others, Connor knew it from the start. She was the only one who had been very nice to him. Later on she was also the only one who didn't seem to mind having him around. But it was all so very complicated. So many little things had to intricately put together so that all the really awful things Connor and Cordelia had done could happen. Cordelia coming back, the Beast coming and starting was had seemed to be the end of the world for sure, Cordelia and Connor sleeping together, Cordelia getting pregnant, Connor being used and manipulated by someone who he had thought was Cordy but was really something very evil using her body, killing that girl, Jasmine being born, everybody falling under her spell, and Angel breaking that spell.   
  
Then had come the terrible chaos, terror, and confusion. Connor couldn't handle it. He had been so desperate to belong, for everything to just be nice and simple and easy for a change, that he had just gone along with Jasmine's lies even though he could see her true face. The only one with whom Connor had become really close was Cordelia. Of course, he knew now that it wasn't really Cordy and that she was only being so nice to him so she could use him. But now Cordy was lying in a coma. He didn't have anybody or anything at all, so he felt he had no choice but to just cling to all the lies. After Jasmine's spell was broken he didn't even have the lies anymore. He couldn't stand it. It was pain far beyond anything he could possibly have imagined or endured. His whole life had been nothing but lies, manipulations, and of course pain. He just couldn't take any more of it. He tearfully begged his father to end it, to let him finally have some peace. And Angel did.   
  
But then Angel had made a deal with Wolfram & Hart. He became CEO for them, and they brought Connor back and gave him a happy (but fake) family, life, and memories with no knowledge at all of what had really happened.

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All of that had washed over Connor instantly. It was awful, reliving all the terrible memories, the losses, and the pain. He had been losing to Sahjahn pretty badly when it had happened, but with old memories and knowledge the fight changed. Now Connor had the upper hand. Pretty soon he killed Sahjhan, chopping his head off in one stroke.   
  
After the fight, Connor had been dreading to see his father. Connor was so upset. He was outraged that Angel could have done such a thing. How could Angel have possibly let all of this happen? But when Connor saw Angel it all changed. He wanted to be furious at his father, it's what he would have done before he knew, but he couldn't. Not with the nervous look on his father's face. Connor realized something he hadn't known before. The truth was that Angel had only done it for his, Connor's, sake. To protect him. That was all Angel had ever done, and suddenly for the first time ever Connor understood. He got it. Finally he realized just how much Angel loved him. Part of him wanted to stay here in L.A. and help his dad fight evil again, he was pretty good at it after all, but he knew he couldn't. Connor was worried about his family, somebody had to protect him. They had attacked Connor twice already, how could he be sure they wouldn't again? And if they did, he didn't know that his parents would be safe. He decided to follow the example Angel had set for him.   
  
So Connor left L.A., determined to protect his family as Angel had protected him. It was extremely weird having both a real and fake set of memories. Nothing could ever be the same again he knew. To all his friends and family he seemed different. Quieter, somewhat more moody, and probably even a little paranoid. Connor didn't mind though. He just kept smiling in their faces and assuring everybody that he was fine, that it was only finals stress, that he would be his old self again soon enough. He didn't care that it wasn't true at all. However, Connor did find it easier to adjust to everything than he would have expected. Not that it had been easy though, because it most definitely wasn't easy at all. But all the same, he was getting along perfectly fine. Or at least he was until today.  
  
Earlier that day Angel had shown up for a little talk over coffee. At first Connor was happy to see him again, but almost instantly he knew something was amiss. He hadn't told his father that he knew truth, so as far as Angel knew, Connor didn't know anything. Connor wondered yet again why his father had paid him that unexpected visit. Surely something really terrible was happening. Connor knew his father too well, and Angel was terrible at hiding stuff. For the first time since it had happened, Connor was deeply troubled by knowing the truth. For what seemed like the millionth time, Connor went over all the details of their meeting in his mind. _Yeah, dad shows up to tell me about some werewolf girl he's sort of but not really dating, and I'm really not supposed to think he has ulterior motives? Yeah, right._ Connor thought. Something was surely very wrong.   
  
_Stupid Wesley. Why did he have to go and smash that damn Orlon Window anyway? This is all his fault_ Connor thought. He rolled his eyes. He couldn't help not liking Wesley very much. After all, Wes had screwed everything up more than once. Even though Connor knew Wesley hadn't meant to do it and that he had almost always had the best intentions, it didn't stop him from cursing Wesley yet again for messing it all up for him.   
  
Connor was so lost in thought that he hadn't even noticed that he was now in L.A. Before he knew it, he was entering his father's office, unsure of what was awaiting him there. He hesitated for just a second, and then he went in.

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Connor was in his car again, now speeding away from Los Angeles. His mind was racing even more than before. Everything was a blur. It had all happened so fat. _Too fast_ Connor though.   
  
Connor had stepped into the building. The place was pretty much totally wrecked. His feeling of nervousness increased with each and every step he took. It didn't take very long to find his father, but to Connor it seemed like an eternity. _Holy shit! Good thing I got here now!_ Connor exclaimed as he saw his father about to be dusted by some man in a suit. He ran across the lobby, just in time to pull the man off Angel and toss him out of the way. He and Angel exchanged a few brief words, but there hadn't really been any time for that they knew. Connor didn't really recall much of what had happened. He was caught unaware by it all. Sure he had been expecting something of this nature to happen, but certainly not tonight! He was definitely not at all ready for a fight against such a strong opponent. But eventually Angel managed to defeat that man.   
  
Suddenly the whole office building began to shake violently. Connor could tell his father was in for some very serious trouble now. Big trouble.   
  
He wanted to stay, to help Angel. Connor knew he was a good fighter and he could help Angel. But Angel wouldn't let him. Connor tried to argue, but it was no use. His father wouldn't hear of it. He ordered Connor to get out of there. Connor knew it was no use otherwise, he had no choice but to leave.

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Connor quietly snuck upstairs. He really hoped his parents weren't still awake. He didn't want to answer questions about where he had been or what he had been doing. Especially since he wasn't looking too good, he had been beaten up by that weird guy. Even his parents wouldn't fail to notice the cuts and bruises and swelling. He wasn't looking forward to sharing the details of how he had gotten them either.   
  
His parents had been very worried about him lately, ever since their trip to Wolfram & Hart to be exact. They said he hadn't been himself, that he had been acting strangely. Connor couldn't stand to see their worried faces asking yet again if something was wrong and having to lie and say that everything was just fine. He hated doing that. But, thankfully, they were asleep at the moment. There was no need for that just now. He crawled into bed, not even bothering to brush his teeth or change into pajamas or anything. He was so damn exhausted. Yet, he just couldn't sleep. He laid awake, staring at the ceiling. Finally free to think about what had been bugging him all night.   
  
He wondered what was going on. It had been so obvious to Connor that things were about to get very ugly. He couldn't remember ever being even half as worried as he was right now. _What had been so bad that dad sent me away? What could possibly be happening? I've helped him out plenty of times, and some of those times were really bad. How bad was it this time? He never refused my help before, so it must be really terrible. Is he alright? Did he get hurt?_ Connor wished there was something, anything at all, he could be doing to help. He didn't like just sitting here all safe and comfortable and doing nothing at all while his father was in serious trouble, quite possibly worse than anything he had been in before. _Does he really believe they can't destroy him as long as I'm alright?_ he silently wondered.   
  
Connor smiled. Before he would have thought Angel didn't trust him, or some equally stupid thing teenagers always say. Now, after everything that had happened, Connor knew better. He knew it was a sign of how much his father loved and cared for him. That he was, as always, only trying to look out for Connor. He was glad that he got that now. It was definitely nice to know. But still. He really had wanted to help out, and it kind of pissed him off that Angel refused to let him. _My father is such a stubborn bastard sometimes_ Connor thought. Exhausted and hurting badly, he rolled over and slowly drifted off to sleep. 


End file.
